Im feeling so lonely now. My sisters are gonna go to work soon. I wanted to tag along initially but decided not to since i`ve got my period and i didnt wanna be such a bother bcos after their work, when they go clubbing, i wouldnt be able to enter many places and it would be damn troublesome.

Hais, Me and Marcus are friends now and we still contact each other. However, its more of me calling & msging him. I really cant let go. Many friends have told me that he would come back to me bcos the reason he left me could be becos we were tgt for so long, so he sian alrdy, so when the girl came by, than this happened. I dont know. My friend have also told me tht it could be bcos he`s gone astray and doesnt know what he wants thts why he left me to get his feelings straight. Im feeling so lifeless now, i dont smile or laugh like i used to and even if i do, its just a facade to cover up my sadness. I`m a strong girl like my mom says, so when i cry, pple will get worried. Hais.. Its not easy to always smile when my heart is hurting so so badly. This morning, i slept for barely 4 hours before i woke up, thinking of what happened, i cried and i couldnt sleep anymore. I was so so afraid. Afriad that when i close my eyes, i would see things i dont want to see. I walked around the house, stared out of the window watching the cars, went to staircase bcos me & him quarrelled one time and we 'talked' to each other by carving whatever we wanted to say on the wall. Hais.. Mommy comforted me in the morning bcos i was lying on the sofa crying like a mad bitch. Mommy hugged me and all but it was totally useless cos while mommy hugged me, i kept imaginating that it was him. Hais.. I`ve not eaten anything since ytd night and all i`ve eaten today is one ferror rocher. I`ve got no appetite at all. Hais..

He is having a BBQ now. He seems so happy not being tgt with me anymore. He said he will call me ltr to talk but i dont know if he said that just to make me happy. I think that he feels that im very irritating bcos i keep calling him. Im not used to it ! When we were tgt, i would call him every minute every second and now? im really trying very hard to control already. I asked him if he still loved me, he said yes. I asked him if he loved me more or the girl more, he said me. So i asked why did he have to leave me if he loved me more? He kept quiet. Hais.. I wonder how long this would last. I swear im going to break down very soon. He said he wouldnt leave me when we were tgt, he said that he wanted to marry me,make me Mrs Foo, he said tht he was sure that in future, i would be the one breaking up with him.. but what happened? Hais.. I really feel like falling into an eternal deep sleep without having to care about anything. I wished i could fuck care whatever that is happening now, i keep telling myself not to care, but my heart.. Hais.. I cant take it any longer.

Im sure that he if comes back, i would treat him real good. Give him whatever he wants, all i need is him to be back by my side. This is how DESPERATE i am. God ! Baby pls come back to me... i really need you and i really miss you so so badly...Sobs..


Sammie wants you back by her side.

Hais. The smile on my face is gone. Look at my eyes, they look like they`ve shrunk it looks like i`ve only got single eye lids. Hais.. I dont care.. I WANT HIM NOW.
(T-T)

Imagine me without you, i`ll be lost and so confused, i wouldnt last a day ,i`ll be afraid without you there to see me thru...
Girl.In.Tears